windows xp end of life: what to do about it?

No more Windows XP

Soon, windows xp will go end of life and it will be the prime target of plenty of money-making-malware. The day is coming folks, and soon! I had to look it up, it’s on April 8. Whether or not that’s a bad thing remains to be seen. Nonetheless, microsoft is counting on you or, more specifically, on your stupidity to pay for their latest blunder. Here’s how they lure you into their trap.


Updates will stop working, if they did not already for some time now. Annoying little things have been added to xp to push you over the edge. In some situations, you may find yourself wondering why xp suddenly gives you windows genuine advantage notices and you find out your product key has expired or has otherwise been deactivated. Microsoft, being helpful as they are (so nice), offer you a quick fix to upgrade to windows 7 or 8 or whatever they call it these days, for only 109 euros. Of course, you will need new hardware to run that monstrous mondrian miscarriage. That will set you back a couple of hundred at least, along with the license for the stripped home edition of it (that will perform equally poor, if not worse). And you’ll be having all the same problems that you’ve always had, except… now you can’t find anything anymore. Nice eh?

It makes me wonder. If I were using xp, would I go through all that trouble for more of the same crap? lol, thought not. For everyone suffering from this disease, here’s a cure:

Go to this page and download Ubuntu Linux. Be sure to download the mini.iso file that is suitable for your architecture (fancy word for 32 or 64 bit) and burn it to a cd or dd it to a flash drive (meh, just burn it to cd). Install this on your computer and your problem is solved. If you have old hardware, it will still run smoothly for a couple more years. And, looking at the state of affairs with our planet, we might all be dead by then, so it’s all sorted!

“Uhm… but I won’t have windows anymore?”

Nope, and that’s fantastic. Problem solved! Let the champaign rain down on you, my friend! You will experience life as it should be, that is: no more drive-by downloads, no more malware infections, no more browser toolbars, no more microsoft nag screens to threaten you and best of all: you won’t have to bother anyone intelligent to clean up your computer for you anymore! Assuming we’re not all dead soon, of course. Gotta stay realistic. But wait, there’s more. Ubuntu or the distro of your choice is likely to be completely free of charge!

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to do what you need to do without having to fear malware infections and without finding your system gets slower every day? Wouldn’t it be great to have all that for free?

I know what you’re thinking: It will be very difficult, right? Well, getting used to something that actually works is not that difficult, especially when you come from windows. It would be reasonable to say that Respected End Users such as yourself will need a couple of days to get adjusted and after that, it’s a walk in the park. Unless you’re looking for more complex features (such as a metro interface, perhaps), this will get the job done. I mean, as a windows user, it’s likely that you’re both functionally and mentally retarded limited to browsing the web (ok, facebook) and reading email.

I feel your excitement by now. I have to say, it’s good for me too! But before you run off, there’s a couple of things you should know before you try and install The Linux.

First, back up all your files, especially those naughty photos. Next, make sure your devices are supported. For example, you will want to make sure that your printer and network cards are supported, as well as the other peripheral devices you were told you need. There’s a very good chance they will work though, even if it gives you some hassle.

Come on, take a chance! Honestly, you will not miss a thing, I promise. Microsoft has been preying all these years on people who fear change and difficulty (talk about irony) and all they’ve learned from that is how to sell bad software to dumb people. Now it’s time for you to stop being the victim/meal ticket/pussy and start enjoying life like you should.

You will support and be supported by a very large community that has worked very hard for many years, simply because they CARE ABOUT YOU, the Glorious End User. And please forget microsoft, they’re only after your money. Don’t be stupid, save your money and spend it on something more useful like… better hardware, dinner with the wife or some interesting sex toy (not that one).

If you cannot overcome the basic problems this will bring about, perhaps it’s time to go outside more. Enjoy nature and stuff. Just, please… don’t come crying for help with your windows installation. We will *NOT* fix your computer. Any. More.

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